We receive a number of email entries for our
Spotty Ribbon campaign and
Cliché Corner that do not easily fit into
either category
because they are, generally, about things that are annoying someone. However, so as not to disappoint
these contributors we developed this sub-section.
Please submit any further contributions by email, subject RANTS (the Right & Need To Speak).
For your convenience, new entries will be inserted at the top of the list.
We’ve had enough of ......
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Foreign footballers who speak better English than British footballers, including soccer pundits see our Spotty Ribbon entry on pundit English
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Ignorant motorists (bad drivers?) who have no respect for the rules of the road, this should have its own sub-category, e.g.:
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under-taking on motorways
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changing lanes (usually last second) without using indicators
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constantly changing lanes to gain a few yards on other cars who are driving sensibly
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squatting in lane 2 on motorways
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turning right from a left-hand lane at roundabouts
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motor bikes driving between lanes of cars and cutting in and out as it suits them
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lane crossing: lane 3 to slip road all within 100 yards of the exit (usually having sat in lane 3 for miles and miles)
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Shop-owners or sales people who continue to talk on their mobile phones while serving customers - if they don't speak to me then I don't speak to them!
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Driver's of 4x4 mega-cars who brake harshly or serve wildly just to avoid small puddles of water on the road - that's what those cars are built to drive through!!
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Passenger applause just because the pilot has managed to land an aeroplane safely again - patronising or what?
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Men who stand in shopping checkout queues with their wives - when they're not buying anything, not paying for anything and not helping to pack bags!
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Other residents and their families parking in my allocated, and numbered, bay outside my apartment building
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Thomas Cook taking at least six attempts - again - accompanied by seven different invoices to get my online holiday booking to include in-flight meals
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The BBC's 'One Show' verbal ping pong - where one presenter is only allowed to say five words before the other presenter has to take over!
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People who use the phrase 'going forward' just because it's trendy, not because it adds any sense or meaning to what they are saying.
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The use of "spell check", as in "have you spelled checked it". Why not "have you checked the spelling"? (Unless you're a witch or a warlock, than spell check is probably OK.)
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Everything having to be linked to the 'green agenda' in some way, shape or form!
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The charity raffle for a mini cooper that has been going on in the Gateshead Metro Centre for almost one year
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"I'm loving your ......." which is gradually replacing "I love your ......"
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Dual presenters on BBC radio shows. You may as well go down the pub and eavesdrop on other people's conversations. Little music for us, just irrelevant banter between them!
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People who discard lit cigarettes onto the pavement. I'd love to pick one up and offer it to the offending person's young children just to see what reaction that would get from them!
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Dogs on the end of 50 foot leads!
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Speaking to call centre staff who, despite their best intentions, do not speak or understand proper English.
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Large organisations that do not respond to customers' letters written to them. Recent personal examples include: HM Revenue & Customs, Scottish Power, Travelodge, Persimmon Homes, Trinity Estates, British Gas...............any more?
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Gordon Brown and his band of clowns
Reality TV shows
the phrase 'credit crunch"
Celebrity chefs
Over-sized packaging on pharmaceuticals (e.g. PerspireX, box height 12.5cm, height of roll-on applicator inside the box 6.5cm)
Telephone cold calling services that ring your number until you answer and then hang up so that you have to call them back! (and they'll ring you again if you don't)
News readers who introduce news reports by using exactly the same words as the person presenting the report does when we switch to him or her
Grab handles on doors that also have a sign that reads "PUSH".
People who say "Can I get...." instead of "Can I have.....", for example, "Can I get a cup of coffee?"
British people who greet other people with "Hey". Obviously they own the entire box set of "Friends".
Double doors. Why always have one of them locked? I usually crash into the one that is locked! [Tip: always use the door with the visible lock - ISMS Ed.]
People saying "I'm good" when asked how they are.
People saying "Off of'", as in she got off of the bus.
People saying "For free". It's either free or for nothing.
the end of the print session message: "goodbye and print safely"
Calling a group of people ‘guys’ when the group is not just men and specifically when there are no men in the group.
Software manuals on CD rather than in hardcopy
Campaigners who wants us to save trees by putting software manuals on CD rather than in hardcopy
Large boxes of computer software that contain only 1 CD and a very thin leaflet
Scottish Power (gas and electricity) playing Handel's water music as it's 'music to hold on by'.
Telephone 'music to hold on by'.
Motorists who use hazard warning lights to indicate illegal parking
Sticky price labels that either won't come off or leave marks when you remove them
neighbours who park on the pavement outside your house so that they have easier access to their drive for their second car
drivers who park their cars on pavements - selfish idiots!
TV Adverts for double-discounted sofas
Weaving motor cyclists who now appear to have a total disregard for the rules of safe driving on busy dual carriageways and motorways.
People calling the Reliant Robin the Robin Reliant.
People who don't say 'thank you' when I hold open a door for them.
People who are taking this web site too seriously.
The (now withdrawn after complaints) TV advert where a 'Geordie' women on the phone casually asks for a loan of £25,000 while the rest of the household searches for a scooter.
The (now withdrawn after complaints) TV advert where an idiot on the phone, and playing with a football, casually asks for a loan of £25,000 while his wife videos him fooling about.
Tony Blair and his world-wide tour.
people who leave their empty supermarket trolleys in car parking spaces.
people who say "thuh" instead of "the".
drivers who turn right from the left hand lane of a roundabout (UK).
silly love songs.
drivers who don't use indicators.
price tags that make us out to be fools by showing silly amounts of pence (£3.99).
customers at checkouts who insist on fumbling through their purse to find the correct change.
people who want us to talk to their hand.
being asked if we'd like cash back at supermarket checkouts.
cards for grandmother's day.
Sandals being worn with socks (especially socks with purple heels and toes).
cats that shit on your lawn.
University being referred to as Uni.
a load of email being called emails.
booking fees on theatre tickets.
inhaling other people's cigarette smoke.
members of the 'Middle Lane Owners Club' on UK motorways - they won't move over for anyone.
being addressed by my first name when I'm known by my middle name.
people standing in queues who are just accompanying others and not buying anything.
soccer players wearing sticky tape over their ear-rings during matches.
car drivers emptying piles of cigarette butts in public car parks.
car drivers who can't park within the white lines of parking bays.
people who say 'absolutely' instead of 'yes'.
prices shown in pounds and pence at the same time (£3.99p).
bright red rear fog lamps when the weather is just slightly damp and not at all foggy.
'Baby on Board' signs. So what! What are we supposed to do about it?
Christmas starting in October (again!).
the 70 mph speed limit on UK motorways.
Portsmouth football club's bell-ringing supporter - 90 minutes of non-stop din and distraction!
people who leave their empty shopping carts in car parking spaces - lazy b******s!
drivers parking their cars across my driveway!
drivers who park their cars on the pavement or sidewalk!
Sunderland AFC pundit Gary Bennett saying "obviously" at least once in every sentence he utters
sports commentators and pundits whose use of English grammar and tense is awful (link)
people who reply with "Is it?" when you wish them "Good morning"
Easter eggs in the shops on 31st December
People who count out one coin at a time when paying for goods (often from a tiny purse)!
5 pence pieces!
drivers who drive the wrong way around car park one-way systems
families walking five-abreast at one mile per fortnight around IKEA stores
women who walk backwards away from shop windows and straight into me as I walk past!
Motorcyclists who constantly change lanes, weaving in and out of motorway traffic
Women ‘barbers’ who don’t brush your head, face or ears after they finish cutting your hair - it should be matter of a courtesy to do it!
Reality TV shows
Courtesy calls from ‘agents’ of banks and other financial institutions
Telephone courtesy callers who can’t identify or give details of the person they want to speak to!
Inconsiderate drivers!
Smarmy shop assistants and smarmy car salesmen
People who call everyone “Mate”
Supposedly knowledgeable soccer pundits always referring to “centre backs” as “centre halves”
Sunderland AFC pundit Gary Bennett beginning every sentence with "definitely so”
Car Salesmen being called Executives when they can’t even make a decision on a deal without going to their manager!
World Cup 2006!
Mark Lawrenceson's negative comments on just about everything!
People with only a little snivel once a week who say they are “suffering” from hay fever!
BBC evening news lasting from 18:00-19:30 - through three programmes!
Door to door salesmen introducing themselves by first asking if I’m the house owner
shop assistants who continue to talk their friends on their phone while they serve customers
call centres - especially those from abroad
people (other than Italians) who say ciao all of the time
people who wear sun glasses indoors - during the winter!
Christmas musical and comedy ties
post office queues
Please submit any further contributions by email, subject RANTS (Right & Need To Speak).
